I'm in the house, the snake is under the house.

I don’t like this!  I have snake loving children, how the h*ll did that happen?  Yes, the same spider loving children!  I can’t believe I brought them up that way!  If it doesn’t have fur or feathers then it’s not nice imo.  I know there’ll be some snake and spider lovers out there getting all hot under the collar.  But you know?  I just don’t care!  I don’t like them and that’s the way it is.  This is the country though.  They don’t even have a snake catcher in town anymore – he got too old.  Pity he didn’t train someone up for that day.  You got a kangaroo?  a wombat?  a wallaby?  a possum?  any other thing with fur or feathers and good old L.A.O.K.O will organise something.  You got a snake?  You’re on your own!  They are a protected species.  What about me?  It isn’t fair, I’ve got my snake and I’ve had a scare.  Ok I know I’m no song writer but sitting here in the kitchen with the laptop thinking that d@mn thing is out there, or even under there, or under here right where I’m sitting….no, it’s not nice!  My son is online looking up about snakes, and reading out snippets about Kirk the King Brown who saved his owner, and got a medal for it………hello?  This is a snake we are talking about!  I’m on facebook frightening all my friends and giving them nightmares about snakes for weeks.  The day trip is off, but I still have to go out there sometime.  The clothes from 5 days ago are still on the line.  My daughter will be home from school in a few hours.  Sometime this year the dogs will have to be let off the deck.  And I have to go out and mow.  Less hiding places, more chances of finding the b*ggers while you do it though.

The boy will be laughing at me shaking the handle of the mower before I use it – but you don’t want the thing to drop out when you start the mower and then walk over it do you?  Well I don’t!  I’d put a picture of a black snake here except I can’t even bear pictures of them myself.  If you want to see one go find it yourself.  I’m hoping it’s not a tiger without the stripes, they are often darker than you expect and the stripes not apparent.  Just slight colour variations.  I’m getting cold chills just writing this.  The boy is asking me what a torniket is now….that’s tornikay and no you don’t use them these days for snake bites.   You know those courses they talk about where you gradually desensitise yourself by talking about things?  then looking at pictures of them?  and then…no I’m not even going to say that!  Oh now we’re having an argument about whether the snake will stay under the house until the sun goes down?  or whether it will want to go out and warm up.   I swear if that boy finds something on the net that says it is a good thing to go out and poke the d@mn thing with your big toe then he would do it!  I’ll hold you responsible google!  As it was he was out there with a towel on, a torch in hand looking to see what the dogs were after this morning.  ‘MUM, fgs there’s a cupboard between it and me!’  Not for long if it decided to move.  You really don’t know whether to You tube him out there in a towel (no shoes or anything of course) or to phone up for a mental health assessment.

You know that bl*ddy thing is still out there.  The dogs are on the deck, their chains are dragging across the wood and giving me a headache.

I expect the snakes to be out in the paddock, on the fire trail.  I don’t want to trip over them, but surely out there we could avoid each other?  But not under my bl*ddy house.  That’s just not freakin fair!  It’s not even hot yet.  I had the electric blanket on all night last night it was so cold.  The days are warm if you are out of the wind, but it’s 0 degrees overnight and there’s already a snake under my house.  It’s going to be a long, long summer.  I’m thinking that I might need to get onto Ebay and get one of those surveillance systems for around your house.  I could do with camera’s trained under the house and between the laundry door and the clothes line.  Then each of the entryways….so I may end up as paranoid as those people who are always looking for burglars!  But at least I’d be a happy paranoid!

It’s moved.  Well, that’s good, maybe.  I wonder if the trick my  father used to do when he was mowing would work with snakes?  He would (before catchers were invented for mowers) put his foot each through a cornflakes box (the big ones not the little ones – there were 5 of us.)  That way the stones would sort of bounce off the cardboard rather than hitting his shins.  Just wondering about the thickness of aldi cereal boxes now….

My friends are all saying what they’d like made out of snakeskin…friends?  Huh!  Of course, there will be no snakeskin until it grows larger and sheds (omg that’s a horrible thought!) since I’m not going anywhere near it (except by accident, maybe.)  I believe the saying that more people are bitten trying to kill or catch a snake, than those trying to run away from a snake!   I have some snake repellers, but they were in the box still from the beginning of winter.  I’ve put two in the ground and hoping for the best.  Last year we had two anyway, but not till the end of the snake season.  Starting far too early for my liking, this season.   I’d best go and see whether it will be cornflakes and nutragrain or….cocopops?  just doesn’t sound enough between me and the slithery….mmm….

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