Feral007

Before Google? Asking Mum. After Google? Asking Mum

I have three children.  They are all teens now.  I have never said:  I’m your mother I know everything.  I have said instead:  I’m bigger and meaner than you….and even when you’re bigger I’ll still be meaner!  So really there is just NO EXCUSE for them asking me all these questions!  I do not know everything…here’s the clincher I don’t want to know everything – unlike you.  My head feels full to overflowing, so I’m sticking to learning things I’m interested in these days.   So my stock answer these days is:  Hey budddy?  Google it!

Okay, okay there is a lot of trash out there on the internet.  You should see the inside of my head there’s a fair amount of trash in there too.  Just because Mum told you doesn’t make it the truth.  Last weekend we went to a seminar.  It was about getting your head around the fact that what you think is what you’ll get.  And if you want to get stuff you need to believe it.  There was also 6 presentations from people who got their heads sorted and then their lives and finances.  Now these people are experts in their own field.   I had seen a couple of them before.  In one of the 20 min breaks the boys ask me ‘So what’s this next one about?’  and then comes the 50 fast shoot questions.  I just looked at them – my two leaning slightly forwards so they don’t miss anything, and the spare teen sitting regular but definately listening:   OFGS!  You are going to sit in there (pointing to conference hall) for 90 mins and listen to an expert on the topic, but in my short break you want me to precis the topic?  Here’s a tip boys…..for the duration of this seminar I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!  Or your friend’s mother, as the case may be.

I cannot believe that at 18 yo with access to the internet (although often shaped access) they still want to interrogate me on a daily basis!  Especially considering the fact that they tell me so often that I know nothing, am so old fashioned it’s not funny, and don’t really know what the world is about these days.  But I am still the expert to be consulted, and then frequently insulted if the information doesn’t gel with what they want to hear.  I guess that’s a big thing – it’s hard to insult google and feel superior – cos google has like 750,000 more replies for you if you don’t like the first one.

Don’t think that it will be a good thing that you are still asked questions when they get older though.  Don’t think that it will be like ‘Oh even if I don’t know all the answers, they still come to ask me, and I know I’m still important to them.’  No, sorry, but no, that’s not how you feel at all.  There might be a 2 second pause while you erroneously think that;  then you’ll realise that since you can’t keep up with their quest for knowledge you’ll feel like a bit of a failure a lot of the time.  And let’s face it, the brain cells I’ve got in my head are not doing well on quality control and performance tests these days….it’s probably going to only get worse.  So they will be reinforcing the downhill course I’m on.  D@mn but kids get you one way or the other!  I can’t help wondering if they will pop along to the Nursing Home to ‘Just ask you Mum….’  or if they’ll just iphone the Nursing Home and tell the nurses to ‘Just ask my mother…..’   The nurses will probably start refusing to ‘Just ask Mum’ because I will be so diabolical to look after for the next several hours.

To  end I’d just like to say “I’m a midwife – not an engineer!  Or a painter, or an architect, or a mechanic, or a vet or any other bluddy thing!  Ok?”

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