Yes, another Lovely Treechange post.
Or possibly not.
Today I have the miseries.
Before you ask. No, I do not have thoughts of self harm, or dark and gloomy thoughts of most sorts.
I’m just bluddy over everything. It’s all too hard. It’s all too expensive. It’s all too far away. It’s all too much trouble.
I don’t want to post on social media. I don’t want a storm of – Oh you’ll be right. And Cyber Hugs. Sorry, but I don’t.
It’s full of:
The frequent posting of BeyondBlue sites.
The frequent: 3 things that I’m grateful for today.
And the, oh I don’t want to post on fb, but I’m not doing well (and I don’t want to make you feel bad)
I’m not wanting to make anyone feel bad either.
I certainly don’t want to do 3 grateful things.
If you need Beyondblue back to fb with you.
This here page is because I Want to have a Bluddy Good Whinge!
A Moan, with a capital M. I want to be unrealistic, and ungrateful (more than 3 as well!)
And I dont want to be sorry for it.
I’m sick of the house looking like a mess. I’m sick of the tip being open only certain days and I can’t get the outside cleared up either.
I’m sick of no rain when we need it (almost always FFS) and only occasionally turning up once the Impossible Spot has trained me up to get him on the float.
I’m bluddy ticked off at the float ramp for getting dodgy just as the bills are rolling in, and the horsey events ramping up.
I’m sick of never having enough time, money, and especially energy to do everything.
I’m just fecking over it!
I’m sick of feeling guilty when I’m less than polite (okay, somewhat bluddy rude, in fact) but I was tired after night duty, and it’s not a popular subject with me at the best of times.
And could you not give me that sanctimonious, that wasn’t quite polite attitude? I’m your fricking mother – surely you’ve known me long enough to know that: not only am I not Perfect – but I’m not even Nice sometimes?
I don’t want to know that things will probably get better, or worse, or something in between. And a lot of times, in fact.
I’m not into being Reasonable right now!
I like being Unreasonable, it’s so terribly Nice to be Unreasonable sometimes.
I shall use the And word a lot, And Capitals, whenever I feel like it, and lots of !!!!!!!!!! Just Because I Can!
I don’t feel like filling in the wombat holes daily, and trying to keep the marsupials from getting hurt when they come in, unexpectedly, in the daytime while I’ve got the dogs off lead. It’s our home too after all!
Ok, so one of my dodgy teeth removed itself, without expensive help from the dentist…………but I’m not grateful. Because I don’t want to be. Not today. And possibly not till Monday.
And while I’m being Feral, and Unlovely. I’m fat, unfit, and my hair is a mess.
And old. I’m especially old at the moment. I really hate how some weeks you just get older so much quickly. Like in 5 minutes! How does that happen?
Does the world spin faster for a bit and no one notices….except for me.
It’s like how your @rse just gets so much bigger one day – day before was fine, the whammo, you’re massive. And your jeans are not. Okay, maybe not Your @arse, but I’m being Unreasonable Remember?
And the hair! I never make appointments for haircuts anymore, because one day you just look at it, or even before you look at it, it’s just crap, and has to be gone that day.
So! I’m going to the garden to eat worms.
Or mulch, Or Something.
Because Misbehaving like a Feral, being Insensitive, and Cussing Up a Storm, and Writing With Unnecesary Capitals, has Bluddy Cheered Me Up 🙁