Of course you can have a laugh at some of it – especially when you are at the looking and planning stage – Not the bit where you have to part with money, or the bit where the plumber/builder/tiler says….that will double the price! Well, it almost always does, except when it triples it!
Still I’m just going to give you a few previews on The Great And Feral Bathroom and Toot Renovation.
We’ll start with the toilets, instead of finishing with them as we did in the shop – oh this is where it really gets interesting. Having looked at the toilets online I have already sussed out some of the things. The young man recommended the one that goes all the way back to the wall, doing away with that ‘hoopy bit’ of pipe at the back which I hate because of the cleaning difficulties. Even dust is a pain to clean out. However, out of the range of these toilets only one doesn’t have any indentations on the sides. Its more expensive of course – honestly I do believe if you cant be bothered doing some target practise then maybe you should have to pay to go! Two people in my house are boys/men. ‘It wasn’t US.’ Well no, of course not love – your sister and I are known offenders for peeing all over the outside of the toilet – I don’t think so! This reminds me of when the boys were little – I did think they’d grow out of having no aim but sadly not. In those days we had two toilets. So I gave each of the boys a spray bottle with some tea tree oil or eucalytus oil in it and a chux. They were put in charge of a toilet each for a week (then swap since one toilet was used more generally.) I spent a bit of time sitting on the lounge nearest the ‘most used’ toilet chuckling with delight. Why? Well, because someone would go to the toilet, then the next person. ‘YOU pee’d on the toilet!’ I did not! ‘You DID, I just cleaned it and then you went and it’s all messy again.’ Sometimes this was followed by a little scuffling as the culprit tried to leave the scene without cleaning up. But there was no bloodshed involved. OMG I laughed so much those first few weeks.
Then there’s the cat and the bathroom. One of our cats likes to drink the water from the shower. He prefers this to water anywhere else. The toilet that I was inspecting in the shop (the expensive one without the pee-catching indentations in the sides) has a ‘soft close’ lid. WOW. Yep, it’s true! I thought it must close quietly as opposed to clattering down and waking the whole house at night. I thought I’d rather have a heated seat personally. But no, a soft close lid madam (for you with the men in the house) comprises of a lid that you move slightly away from the wall/cistern and it procedes to close gently (and silently) all by itself. Of course, the problem still remains of getting the men to even consider pulling the lid away from the wall at all. I’m considering that a lid that self closes after a set amount of time (like those portaloos that flush and then open the door after 15 mins whether you’ve finished or not! Or maybe a more effective deterent to leaving the lid up or the seat and lid up is an electric current that zaps them at the doorway of the bathroom when they try to leave. The dogs get the idea about things when there’s an electric fence involved so I don’t see why it wouldn’t work on men.
There is another problem with the original soft close lid tho. Our cat will sometime balance on the toilet seat and have a drink out of the bowl. Yes, I know, so hygenic, so ewwwww! But there you are – and I couldn’t help imagining our cat having a drink and then the lid coming down slowly, silently, and how ticked off he would be! The toilets not that deep so it wouldn’t be deadly, but it would not be popular either! And then it crossed my mind (as odd things often do when automatic things are involved) what would happen if the mechanism in the ‘soft close lid’ went haywire and the seat tried to trap you before you’d finished? Or much, much worse….refused to open! Oddly enough the toilets were situated at the front of the glassed in showroom – so it’s not my fault that all the potential customers saw me standing there laughing like a hyena while the young man was pointing out the positive aspects of all the toots! I wonder if they have a course called ‘Beware of Ferals in Showrooms’ for the poor young sales people?